


The Ribald Revenge of Air Commander Starscream

by Lycaste



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Arrogance, Crack, Dubious Consent, Dysfunctional Relationships, Exhibitionism, Explicit Sexual Content, Other, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Plug and Play Sexual Interfacing, Power Dynamics, Psychological Warfare, Spark Play, Sticky Sexual Interfacing, Strangulation, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, Valve Dom, Voyeurism, expectation reversal, ridiculous dirty talk, that moment when you realize that the person you took home is way kinkier than you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-14
Updated: 2015-02-14
Packaged: 2018-03-12 20:00:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3353483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lycaste/pseuds/Lycaste
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The day has finally arrived. After millions of years of dancing around the issue, a tense Decepticon staff meeting forces Megatron and Starscream to confront their deepest desires. </p>
<p>Megatron is thrilled, even though he already knows how it’s going to play out. After all, he’s fantasized about this for centuries. There may be some initial rebellion, but Starscream will soon fall to his knees, gratefully yielding all control and begging to be taken to Cyberutopia by his leader’s awe-inspiring spike.</p>
<p>Because that’s how it’s gonna go…right?</p>
<p>PWP. This is a sequel to another ridiculous fic I wrote: <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/2718071">(Not So) Hidden Agenda.</a> Read that one first (if you dare!).</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ribald Revenge of Air Commander Starscream

**Author's Note:**

> I actually wrote this months ago as a request on the kinkmeme. Yet just as I was about to submit it, I realized I had created a huge outline, and that I wanted to write it myself. So I worked the idea into a sequel for [(Not So) Hidden Agenda.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2718071) I’m almost embarrassed to have written this silly smut…but not really. 
> 
> So here you go. A Valentine for my beloved Megatron/Starscream shippers. You guys are awesome. On this February 14th, I bring you some of the rare and coveted StarMega! (Or ScreamMega, whichever you prefer).

For millions of years, Megatron's most hidden desires existed in the domain of the unattainable. When they finally crossed the stark frontier into the realm of possibility, he was completely unprepared.

He traced his thumb along Starscream's lower lip. This had gotten so out of control. When he'd ordered Starscream into his lap at the beginning of the meeting, he thought he knew how it would end. He assumed Starscream would refuse when ordered to open his panel, and the interaction would devolve into one of their usual fights. Megatron would beat him in front of everybody and the meeting would continue unabated. The troops had been restless lately, and asserting his dominance over the most treasonous soldier always settled things down. Sovereignty achieved. 

He'd been absolutely thrown when Starscream had done as ordered. It had left him in an extremely awkward position. It would be unseemly to become flustered in front of the others, so Megatron took the only route available to maintain his authority. He pushed the encounter.

But Starscream pushed back, escalating the confrontation until Megatron was living out one of his most secret fantasies. His 'I think we've all seen it' comment was a toothless insult. He'd never seen his second-in-command's valve. To his knowledge, no one had, save Thundercracker and Skywarp. For all his preening and vanity, Starscream didn't sleep around. He was far too cautious for that, far too professional.

Or so Megatron had thought. It certainly didn't feel very professional to have his fingers shoved into Starscream's quivering core in front of an audience. Yet as they were seconds away from a kiss millions of years in the making, Megatron became aware of two things.

The first realization was that Starscream had manipulated this from the beginning. Clearly. And Megatron had walked right into it, trapped by circumstances of his own design. Not only was _he_ trapped, but the entire room was trapped as well. Starscream held everyone in the palm of his hand, the sacrifice of his dignity resulting in a unique position of control.

Any anger Megatron felt over this was overpowered by the second realization: Starscream wanted him. There was no denying it. No one was that good of an actor. The lubricant flowing from the deepest part of him and the charge crackling through his frame couldn't be faked. 

Lusty current flowed unchecked through Megatron's wires. He'd wanted his second-in-command for so long. The bold, beautiful, and brilliant jet with the duplicitous spark and relentless ambition. The mech who challenged him at every turn. Drove him wild. Stabbed him in the back but never had the bolts to finish the job. So often Megatron had wondered if all the failed coups meant something. Maybe Starscream held some sort of bizarre affection for him, and that's why he always sabotaged himself. 

But Starscream never gave any indication of feeling anything other than contempt, and while punishing his transgressions was always pleasant, Megatron never wanted to truly force him. Sexual conquest didn't mean anything if it was one-sided. So he buried it deep down, all his ridiculously inappropriate longings, until the pain of wanting something he couldn't have was eased somewhat by the eternal familiarity of the situation.

This, however, was very unfamiliar. Megatron's couldn't prevent his hands from shaking. He was about to lose all self-control, and that _couldn't_ happen in front of his army. There was only one way to save face, even if it would feel like tearing off one of his own limbs.

Megatron removed his fingers and unceremoniously tossed Starscream out of his lap. He picked up the datapad in front of him and forced his voice to remain steady. "Moving on," he said. "Let's discuss our newest battle strategy against the Autobots."

He almost couldn't hear himself over the disappointed cries from his troops. Megatron took in the room, relieved to see that everyone else was deeply affected as well. Half of the mechs were smoking from various transformation seams. The DJD were huddled together and whispering. Starscream's trinemates looked on the verge of some sort of breakdown, with Skywarp's jaw dropped and Thundercracker obviously about to cry. And why the hell was Overlord sitting on the floor? Didn’t they have enough chairs in this army?

Megatron hazarded a glance at Soundwave. If anyone could read the undercurrent of the room, it was him. Yet his third-in-command simply sat with his elbows on the table, his face resting in his palms. Long, audible ventilations came from his frame. Whether he was aroused or disturbed or just overwhelmed, Megatron couldn't really tell.

Regardless, Soundwave was distracted. The spell over the troops was broken. He could salvage this. He just needed to hurry through the rest of the meeting and keep control of-

"How _dare_ you!" shrieked Starscream from the floor. "You-"

"Starscream." Megatron whirled on him and pointed his fusion cannon, bringing it up to full power until the end of the barrel glowed. "Cover yourself and sit there for the rest of the meeting."

Starscream's panel snapped shut. He jumped to his feet, looking like he was about to enter full screech-mode.

"Sit," said Megatron. "Silently." _Don't push this, Starscream,_ he thought, hoping to convey the consequences with his optics. _I can't not shoot you if you push._

Furious as he was, Starscream wasn't suicidal. He gritted his teeth and sneered. Finally he crossed his arms over his cockpit glass and sat down, propping himself against the wall with a face full of hatred that shouldn't have been as enticing as it was.

Megatron slowly lowered his arm, every servo in his body relaxing a bit. He _really_ didn't want to shoot Starscream. Not now. Not when he was so close to claiming the Seeker in the way he'd always wanted. It was inevitable. He would triumph, and Starscream would be _his_.

He took them through the rest of the meeting, or a vastly truncated version of it. They didn't need to talk about energon rations or keeping the hallways clean. Everyone already knew how much he hated Optimus Prime, so there was a twenty-minute speech that could go. Megatron basically cut everything that wasn't his latest plan against the Autobots, and now that he was speaking it out loud, it was kind of a dumb plan. Starscream had said as much before the meeting, but Megatron had been too busy checking out his wings to pay attention.

Domination, check. Conquest, check. All hail Megatron. The end. 

"Any questions?" asked Megatron, not giving anyone time to answer. "No? Dismissed." He pointed to Starscream. "Except for you."

Most mechs jumped at the chance to leave, creating an awkward bottleneck at the door while frames were jostled and feet were stepped on. Others walked slower, as if they were trying to keep their EM fields and visible lubricant trails to themselves. 

Soundwave remained in his seat with his head in his hands, chest compartment opening and closing randomly. His cassettes tugged at his arms and legs, but he didn't move.

Megatron allowed himself a rare moment of pity. It couldn't be easy being a telepath around Starscream, regardless of one's level of control. Besides, unlike the rest of these idiots, his third-in-command was genuinely useful. "Thundercracker. Skywarp. Assist your Commander."

Skywarp stumbled to the head of the table, grabbed Soundwave's arm, and roughly hauled him to his feet. He then maneuvered Thundercracker with the other arm, and dragged the two of them from the room with the cassettes in tow. 

Soon only one member of the Warriors Elite remained. Megatron growled to himself. Couldn't these sycophants take a hint? "Tarn," he said, "leave us."

The mech responded in a broken voice. "It's...it's Overlord." 

"Whatever," said Megatron. "Go. And sit in a fragging chair next time." When Overlord didn't rise, he powered up the fusion cannon again. "Overlord. Now."

Overlord stood and shuffled out the door, shoulders slumped and laser blasters trembling.

A disgusted huff came from the floor. "He is so pathetic," said Starscream.

Megatron steepled his fingers and regarded Starscream with as serious an expression as he could muster. "Megatron loves Autobot spikes? Really, Starscream."

"Ahem. Well." Starscream synthesized a cough and shrugged. "Fingering me in front of everyone? Really, Megatron."

"You started it."

" _You_ started it when you told me to get in your lap."

Megatron clenched a fist, torn between the desire to dictate the exchange and the recognition that this was a fragile moment. He wasn't good at not breaking fragile things. But if he fought Starscream now, he might not get another chance. "Yes, and I rather enjoyed it." He pointed to the sticky mess around the edges of Starscream's panel. "It looks like you did as well."

If Starscream could shoot lasers from his optics, Megatron would be pure vapor. The Seeker glared and hiked his wings up. "I _was_ enjoying it, until you kicked me out."

"Come back then." Megatron patted his lap and contemplated his next move. Starscream's ego needed some sort of concession, and a true leader knew when to make a tactical retreat. Although his vocal programming insisted that the word didn't exist, Megatron forced out a magnanimous, "Please?"

As anticipated, a poisonous smile spread across Starscream's face. He stood on his heel thrusters and sauntered across the room. When he reached the table, he slid into Megatron's lap and brought their faces to within inches, back where they were during that tense and powerful moment less than an hour ago. "Are you gonna shoot me if I kiss you?"

Megatron's spark had never whirled so fast in his life, and he'd never longed for anything more than to feel his second's lips on his own. "Starscream," he said, "at this point, I'm going to shoot you if you don't." 

Starscream's mouth brushed his, slow and gentle. Asking for permission. In the crushing silence of their tenuous truce, his transformation system onlined into standby mode with an audible _chunk_. Clearly he was ready to transform and try to fly away at any second, as though that would save him.

For once, the last thing Megatron wanted was a fight. Careful of Starscream’s wings, he threw his arms around the jet and deepened the kiss, losing himself in warm lips and soft sighs. The Seeker tasted more savory than the finest Vosian highgrade, felt smoother than the most exquisitely polished metals. Dangerous and warm and wonderful. 

Starscream's arms wound around the back of Megatron's neck. "You spawn of a glitch," he whispered. "How long have you wanted this?"

Megatron dropped his hands to rub Starscream's thighs, fingering the seams at the juncture of his hips. He met Starscream's optics and was taken aback by the ferocity that he saw there. "From the beginning," he said honestly.

"You...that long?" Starscream gripped the back of Megatron's helm and kissed him again, fierce and hungry. "I hate you," he spat in between kisses. "All this time?" He pulled away, the look on his face one of pure anguish. "Why didn't you just...tell me?"

"Would you have been amenable?" asked Megatron, cradling the side of the Seeker's helm in his massive hand. "What would you have me do? Proposition my second-in-command and risk destroying our power structure? Force you?" His optics roved up and down Starscream's lovely frame. "And you," he said. "How long?"

Starscream uttered a bitter laugh and jutted his chin towards the fusion cannon on Megatron's arm. "From the moment you accepted my gift, I knew you were mine."

Megatron's t-cog nearly malfunctioned and sent him into gun form. _Yes._ It was really happening. He was about to put Starscream under his thumb. Forever. "What now then, treacherous Seeker?" He kissed Starscream's chin. "Care to find out what you've been missing all these years?"

"Primus, yes," sighed Starscream. He went straight for Megatron’s crotch, pawing at it ineffectually. "Open. I've waited long enough."

Chuckling, Megatron moved back his panel and pressurized. This was _it_. After millions of years of waiting, he was finally going to claim his second-in-command. Despite whatever shreds of rebellion were left, soon Starscream would fall to his knees, begging to be taken to Cyberutopia by his leader’s enormous spike. "Eager for this, are we?"

Starscream's lips rounded, presumably in awe. But then his wings slumped and his faceplates scrunched up. "Huh."

"Huh?" Megatron looked at his equipment and gripped the base. It was as large and impressive as ever. "Is there a problem?"

"Nope." Starscream waved his hands in front of his chest. "It's fine. Really! I can work with this."

"Work with it?!" Megatron grabbed Starscream and sat him on the table. He then stood, drawing himself up to his full intimidating height. Placing a foot on the chair, he brought his thick shaft to Starscream's optic level. "Look at this. It's huge! I'm starting to doubt it will fit inside you."

Starscream didn't seem impressed. "It’ll fit."

Megatron shook his head. The nervecircuits on this mech! "Whether it lives up to your ludicrous standards or not, Starscream," he said, "you _will_ be taking my spike."

"Actually, mighty leader, it's _you_ who'll be taking _my_ valve!" In a move worthy of a gladiator, Starscream leapt to his feet and kicked the back of Megatron's knee. He used the momentum to throw them both onto the table, landing nimbly on top. His interface cover slid back to expose his perfect little valve, still wet and swollen from Megatron's touch.

"And you're gonna finish what you started," said Starscream. He wrapped his legs around the span of Megatron's hips. "Look at how ready I am," he whispered, tracing a finger around the edge of his valve. "Don't you wanna be inside me?"

Megatron rumbled his approval. Did he ever want that. He scooted further back and placed his feet on the table, allowing Starscream to lean against his thighs. How should he do this? Perhaps tease the Seeker first, get him worked up and begging for it before flipping them over and pounding him into the table? Or maybe make Starscream suck on his spike for a while, drive him out of his mind with lust before granting absolution and sticking it to him?

The decision was made for him when Starscream roughly grabbed the base of Megatron's spike and lifted himself up. He caught Megatron's optics, and rubbed the wide head along the softly pulsating sensors around the entrance of his valve. Lining them up, he sank down just enough to engulf the tip, making them both gasp. One hand on Megatron's equipment and the other balancing against his knee, Starscream slowly eased him inside, moving up and down with little drops of his hips. He stuffed himself inch by inch, punctuated with desperate pants and pneumatic whirring, until he was almost full.

Megatron's visual feed went white. That felt _so good._ So hot and tight, tripping every sensor in his array and sending sensual feedback racing through his frame. His core temperature skyrocketed, driven impossibly high by the sweet flex and ripple of Starscream's deepest mesh.

When his vision returned, the sight was almost as satisfying as the sensation. Starscream had his head thrown back, mouth hanging open as his hands roamed over his own turbines. "Ooh," he moaned, "you _are_ big."

"Of course I am," ground out the warlord. "I am Megatron!" He shifted slightly, leaving them both groaning as his spike slid in the final few inches. "Now you'll know how-"

"Just lie there and shut up," interrupted Starscream. "I'm gonna make you come until your fuel pump explodes." He leaned back, wings propped up by Megatron's legs. "Lift me."

Megatron chortled. Excellent. Some fight from Starscream was expected. It would make it all the more satisfying when he eventually crushed the Seeker under his foot. Soon Starscream would realize his place beneath the future Emperor of the Universe, and see how sweet submission could really be when-

The slap across his face came from nowhere, a slight but stinging pain against his cheek. Starscream withdrew his hand and huffed impatiently. "Stop whatever pompous interior monologue you're doing and lift me!"

Molten rage flowed through Megatron's fuel lines. Did...did Starscream just _hit_ him? He swung up his fusion cannon arm, half intending to blast a hole through his new lover's wing. "You dare!?”

His anger dissipated as quickly as it came as Starscream squeezed and undulated, grabbing Megatron's spike tightly with his slick valve and lifting his hips. Again and again, sending an all-consuming pleasure shooting through Megatron's sensornet. His hands flew to grip Starscream, lifted him, and pulled him back down.

Starscream let out a high-pitched cry. "Yes…Megatron..." His jet engines screamed, ailerons twitching. "Do that again."

Not caring that Starscream was giving _him_ orders, Megatron began lifting him up and down, dizzy from the delicious feeling of being sheathed so deeply. Starscream thrashed and bucked into the movements as he let himself be handled.

Megatron's intake tightened. Starscream looked so wild and gorgeous riding him. He grunted and united them harder, the room filling with sounds of clanging and Starscream's breathy whimpers.

On the next downward arc, a sizzle bolted through Megatron's spike, stimulating all his nodes and sending a wave of shuddering bliss through his circuits. He snarled and gripped Starscream tighter. "What..."

"Like that?" Starscream licked his lips and stuck his nose in the air. "Electrified calipers. All Seekers have them."

Megatron didn't believe him, but he wasn't about to call him out on it as another bright burst of sensation rattled his frame. He gasped and arched, virtually brought to the edge by the intensity. 

"F-frag me," said Starscream. "Fill me up with that big spike of yours. Work for it. Make me _scream._ Megatron.."

Megatron increased the pace, lifting and slamming Starscream against him. He took his temperature warning system offline, well aware of how hot he was running. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered but their frantic coupling, and the way the poor lighting of the meeting room bounced off of Starscream's polished wings, and how his lubricant was running onto Megatron's interface array and dripping onto the table below them. 

"Unf. Yes." Starscream matched Megatron's motions, bouncing up and down on his own accord. "I love the way it sounds when you frag me. Hear it?"

"Mmm...sounds good." Inside, Megatron cringed. 'Sounds good'? He didn't really have a lot of experience with dirty talk. His repertoire consisted mainly of 'you like that', 'take it', and 'suck your master's giant shaft'. Hopefully Starscream wasn't expecting him to come forth with a lot of sexy verbal filth.

Starscream rocked faster, clutching and releasing his fiery calipers. "Look at me," he demanded, and then burst into screeching cackles. "Oh yes, oh yes. Don't stop!"

Megatron's hands were slippery from condensation, and he was starting to feel like he was just along for the ride. He rolled his hips to meet Starscream's, grinding their arrays and creating more exquisite feedback from overworked sensors. 

"So deep," Starscream said. "I want it all over me. I wanna wear your transfluid." He leaned against Megatron's legs and reached out to tweak the edge of his wing. "You nasty mech. I'm gonna wash your mouth out with my lubricant. Gonna cover you with it."

Megaton's optics cycled wider. Whoa. What was he supposed to say to _that?_ Mechs never said that kind of thing during a quick and dirty frag down in the mines. Megatron was no prude or anything, but...damn. "That's it, Seeker. Um, take it," he sputtered awkwardly.

Starscream didn't seem to care. He fondled his flight sensors and keened, fragging himself hard on Megatron's spike. The warlord's hands were really only there as a guide now, and 'lift me' was turning more into 'hold onto me for dear life'.

Fuzzy fireworks detonated across Megatron's vision, and he was relieved when Starscream tightened around him. The Seeker was about to come. That was favorable. He wasn't sure how much longer he could last himself.

But Starscream abruptly stopped, wiping a hand down his canopy. "That's so good," he said. "I know what would make it even better." A small panel on his side clicked back, revealing a set of data ports and cables. He snatched a long black cord and pulled it out, grinning as he bit gently on the end. "Wanna?"

Megatron's logic routines nearly glitched. Data sharing? During _interfacing?_ Why would anyone do such a thing? It was unsanitary and crude, not to mention the obvious dangers of allowing Starscream access to his personal programming. Those ports should only be used by a medic, and only in the most dire of circumstances. "Are you crazy?" he asked. "We can't do that."

"Why not?" asked Starscream. His expression fell into a pout. 

"It's dirty," said Megatron.

Starscream's engine sputtered. "No it's not! It's natural."

Megatron really didn't want to look like he didn't know what he was doing, but this was just too weird. "I've heard you can contract cybercrosis that way."

"What!?" Starscream shrieked. "No you can't. Cybercrosis is a disease of the spark, which I don't have, by the way. And neither do you or you'd be much weaker. Where did you hear that?"

"Shockwave," grumbled Megatron. He told himself that the lines underneath his faceplates were flushing due to the exertion, not because of the incredulous way that Starscream was looking at him.

"Shockwave," said Starscream, revulsion dripping from his tone. "No wonder this army is so confused about interfacing, if you're all taking advice from him."

"I..."

"Look, Megatron. If you're not comfortable doing it, that's fine. But don't not do it because of something _Shockwave_ of all mechs told you." He twirled the cable in the air. "Unless you're afraid."

Megatron clenched his jaw. Him? Afraid? He couldn't have Starscream thinking that. "Are you malfunctioning? I fear nothing!" He snatched the cable out of Starscream's hand, moved back his own medical panel, and plugged it into his port. 

It was like falling into the warmest, most comforting oil bath. A bolt of pure energy seared through him, hitting his spark in a scorching caress. He could feel the tick and whir of Starscream's desperate components, the roar of his engines. Every capacitor in Megatron's body was full, stuffed with a data signature that was powerful and scathing. So entirely Starscream that Megatron was overwhelmed. Lost. Unsure of where he ended and his perfidious partner began.

Starscream shamelessly touched himself all over. His vents hitched. "See," he sobbed. "So good."

"Primus, Starscream." Megatron clawed uselessly at the table. It was almost too much. Too much shared magnetism and electricity and contented finishing of each other’s subroutines. The cord connecting them was obscene, like the dirty little secret he'd kept hidden all these years coming to life. Him and Starscream joined at their active sites, finally one.

A well of steadily rising charge pooled behind his interface array, and Megatron realized that Starscream was fragging _him,_ pulsing energy packets back and forth between them. Faster and harder until Megatron's processor reeled.

"Touch me," ordered Starscream, his face dark and ominous. "Do it!"

Megatron obeyed without question. He ran his hands all over the Seeker's shapely thighs and reached up to pinch his wingtips. Stimulating a set of wings was foreign to him, but if he was doing it wrong, Starscream didn't complain.

The Seeker leaned forward and braced his hands against Megatron's chest. He threw his hips back, filling himself over and over again as his smooth cockpit glass scraped against Megatron's frame. The cable between them jiggled as he bucked and writhed. "Right there," he screeched. "A little higher. Yessss...."

"Starscream," said Megatron in a very unwarlord-like whine. "You feel...nggh..." He sensed the first stirrings of a crushing overload, just on the boundary of his perception. His interfacing software was screaming at him for completion. But he had to hold out. He couldn't come before Starscream.

His second-in-command was looking at him, optics intense and burning. "Give it me," he whispered.

"I am giving it to you, you fool," said Megatron. And then he noticed the readout from his data transfer protocols.

Starscream was going through his personal files.

"Ah, here we go." Starscream sat up and clapped his hands together like an excited sparkling. "Oh, _Megatron,_ you have a LOT of memory files with my name on them." 

"Of course I do," said Megatron with a sharp thrust. "You're my second-in-command. We've spent millions of years together."

"True." Starscream put his palm over his mouth and snickered. "But you have more storage space allocated to me than I have for Skywarp and Thundercracker combined. And a lot of it's devoted to me bending over."

"You absurd egomaniac," said Megatron. Okay, so he did have a lot of files of Starscream bending over. And fanning out his wings. And killing Autobots with an admirable flourish and panache. But that was just leader stuff, and keeping tabs on a deceitful glitch like Starscream was part of the job.

Curious, Megatron used their connection to bring up the file names in Starscream's memory storage on his own HUD. There was a whole host of folders labeled 'Plans to Destroy Megatron', which was so preposterous that Megatron didn't bother to open them. Instead he probed deeper, looking for evidence that the Seeker thought about him as well.

He didn't have to look very far. Starscream had a shocking number of records in the 'Stupid Sexy Megatron' directory. That, combined with memories of Starscream shooting him in gun form, took up almost half the Seeker's storage space.

"Imbecile," said Megatron. "You have just as many as me."

Starscream wriggled and worked his valve until Megatron saw stars. "Oops," he said with a mischievous grin. "I guess I do."

"You..." Megatron couldn't finish the sentence, too overwhelmed by the little jolts of heady sensation zinging through him. He was so entranced, he almost disregarded the urgent warning climbing his status queue. 

Security breach. Unauthorized file duplication in process.

Megatron quickly threw up his emergency firewalls, but it was too late. His systems informed him that some of the data had already been copied, like the codes to his quarters. That wasn't really so bad. Let Starscream come and try to assassinate him in the night. That would end with as much success as all his other ludicrous plots. And some of the access keys to the ship's communication systems? Soundwave could handle that.

But missile launch codes. It probably wasn't so great that Starscream had those. And...

Megatron gasped. Memory files. Personal ones. All that old, embarrassing stuff between him and Terminus. And a few records that, to a clever enough mind, would answer the question as to whether or not he was constructed cold.

Unacceptable. He reached out and slowly enclosed Starscream's neck cables in his heavy fingers. "Return those," said Megatron. "Or suffer the consequences."

Starscream's optics glowed bright. "Pit _yeah!_ You're into that?" He rearranged Megatron's hand until it was covering his neck completely. "So am I. Squeeze harder."

"Erm..." Megatron's didn’t get it. Starscream wanted to be strangled? Why? It wasn't like they could breathe. "Okay." He tightened his hand until Starscream's cabling groaned under the pressure. 

"Yes." Starscream spat static, and his wings started fluttering uncontrollably.

Megatron's fuel circulation system warned him that it was on the verge of a shutdown. The energon in his lines surged like fire as he took in the scene on top of him. His spike buried inside Starscream. The lewd cable draped between them, connecting them on a whole new level of intimacy. The hissing steam, the trickling lubricant. His hand holding Starscream's elegant neck.

And the Seeker himself. With his proud wings and cruel beauty. The product of ruthless aspiration and fierce cunning, housed in the most alluring and perfect frame.

He was so beautiful.

Starscream laughed, dislodging Megatron's hand, and threw himself back against Megatron's propped-up knees. "I know I am."

Megatron winced. Scrap. Had he just said that out loud? Starscream would be more impossible than ever now. 

There was a pneumatic hiss, and Starscream's chest plates shifted. First the outer plating slid aside, and then his spark chamber flew open, exposing the electrical eddies and whirls of his beating spark. His very life-force on display.

"What are you doing?" asked Megatron, incredulous. He'd crushed a spark before, but he'd never seen one bared in such a personal manner. The gesture was disgracefully intimate. Too much. Decepticons shouldn't make themselves this vulnerable. 

"Megatron." Starscream's lithe fingers swirled through the outer corona of electricity, and his full-body tremor vibrated Megatron's interface array. "You should have told me eons ago."

"Starscream." Megatron couldn't believe it. Starscream wasn't going to...touch himself, was he? _There?_ "Don't."

"Why not?" Starscream dipped his fingers further into his pulsating vitality, and then pulled back to tease around the nebulous edge. "I always think about you when I finger myself."

Megatron groaned. That was the sexiest thing he'd ever heard. The hidden trigger of his gun mode sprang free and clicked uselessly. 

Starscream stroked himself in slow circles. Every time his fingers dragged down the edge of his spark, it sent a current that Megatron could feel through the Seeker's valve. "That's it," said Starscream, his optics dimming. "Tell me all the dirty things you do when you self-service, you naughty mech. Tell me how you play with yourself. Tell me how you think about me."

Megatron whipped his head from side to side, brought steadily to the edge by energy and the oscillations of pure bliss that looped between their bodies. Lust and shame burned through his cables. It was true. He did think about his second when he touched himself.

The Seeker danced his free hand down his body until he reached the apex of his own valve. He pressed against the crackling outer node. "Do you like it when I touch myself here?"

"Y-yes," stuttered Megatron. It felt _perfect,_ an endless cycle that grew deeper and more intense with each passing second. Starscream bounced in his lap, and Megatron couldn't help the long, deep moans from spilling out of his mouth as Starscream worked both of them towards the finish. "Primus..."

Starscream lifted his hips and slammed down harder, still fingering himself inside and out. "Don't," he warned with a snarl. "Don't you dare come."

But Megatron couldn't control it. Too far gone, the dam inside him burst and he howled as he sank into the most savage release he had ever experienced. His frame seized over and over again as pleasure shook him right down to the spark. His spike pulsed, emptying into Starscream as he shuddered through a frame-wracking overload that almost took him offline. Finally his cries died down, and the waves of satisfaction became involuntary twitches. Smoke curled from every seam in his body, and he sagged with a contented sigh.

When his optical feed cleared again, the displeased look on Starscream's face said it all.

"Ehn," grunted Megatron. "Sorry." His processor spun sluggishly. Wait. He didn't just apologize, did he? He was Lord Megatron. He didn't- 

"Ah." A delightful aftershock shivered through him, and the universe's most powerful warlord lost his train of thought. Whatever. Continuing to keep Starscream around had been his idea. His _brilliant_ idea. Totally worth it.

"Don't worry, _Mighty Megatron,_ " said Starscream. His EM field prickled with peril and his mouth twisted into something that wasn't quite a smile, and wasn't quite a sneer. He then clamped down with his valve so hard, that Megatron couldn't have depressurized if he wanted to. "I'm not done with you yet." 

And for the first time ever, Megatron was actually a little afraid of Starscream.

 

_Four Hours Later..._

Soundwave was simultaneously relieved and disappointed to reach the end of the surveillance mission.

He watched his leaders fall exhausted and steaming onto the meeting table, suddenly aware that his own core temperature had reached unsafe levels. His mind raced and his arm circuits ached. Behind him, every one of his symbiotes, along with Thundercracker and Skywarp, uttered various bleats of static.

The full extent of what he had just allowed to transpire dawned on him. It had all made so much sense at the time. Skywarp had hauled them out of the meeting, and then begged Soundwave to access the room's closed-circuit security system so they could make sure that Starscream didn't try anything too stupid. The Seekers had seemed genuinely concerned for their trinemate, no doubt rattled by the emotions going through their bond during the meeting. Soundwave had felt it too. The whole thing had been so psychically overwhelming, that he had to throw up every telepathic defense he had in order to not scream. Or overload. Or shove Starscream out of Megatron's lap and plead to take his place.

Going back to his station in the command center to spy wouldn't have been that unusual. He may have even let Ravage watch. But why, _why,_ had he let the others stay for so long? 

He checked his internal chronometer. Impossible. No way had they been watching Megatron and Starscream go at it for that long. Soundwave vaguely remembered making a movement to shut off the monitor during something extra kinky, but Skywarp had grabbed his hand and said, "Do that and I'll teleport my fist into your processor and wave."

Soundwave had nodded and complied without question. Yes sir, Commander Skywarp, sir. He wouldn't dream of turning off the most disturbingly ribald scene he had witnessed in, well...ever. The video, along with the rampant lust and horror coming from everyone else, had left him barely able to function, much less consider the full ramifications of what they were doing.

But he was considering them now. Primus, why hadn't he just turned off the video feed? Soundwave looked down at his hand. It had been hovering near the off button the entire time, unwilling to press it. No wonder his arm circuits ached.

Lord Megatron would not be pleased with this. Soundwave shivered. How was he going to keep Thundercracker, Skywarp, and his symbiotes from telling anyone that they saw this? He threw a reticent glance towards Rumble and Frenzy, expecting to see delighted grins. Instead they just stared at the screen, at the smoking heap of metal and lubricant that was Megatron and Starscream.

Rumble was the first to speak. "Okay, now, I get why you'd want someone to pull out and get his bolts off all over you, I really do." He cocked his head and pointed to Starscream's image. "But 'come in my turbines'? I mean, doesn't that kinda, you know, gum up the works?"

"Yeah," said Frenzy. "And what was that position they were doin'? How's that even possible?"

"Right?" said Rumble. "It was kinda like, Screamer's leg was up here and the Big Boss was twisted around like this..." He proceeded to swing a leg over Frenzy and imitate the position their leaders had somehow managed to pull off. 

"No, no," responded Frenzy. He pushed his twin into a half-squat. "It was somethin' more like this."

"Re-enactment," said Soundwave, "not necessary!"

Ravage reached up his paw and placed it against Soundwave's hand. "Come on, you two. Knock it off. We're all fully functioning mechs here. Nothing we haven't seen before." Quick pulses came from his paw, stimulating Soundwave's nervecircuits using chirolinguistics. _//But seriously, Soundwave,//_ Ravage asked privately, _//what's an endoscopic dildo?//_

Soundwave stammered some pulses back and shrugged. Honestly, he didn't know. He'd just watched one being used for almost thirty-seven minutes, and he still didn't know. It looked pleasurable enough, if Lord Megatron's muffled groans were anything to go by.

Skywarp's voice changed from static to a whine. "I don't believe it."

His emotions crashed into Soundwave like a meteor impact. The telepath scrambled to shore up what was left of his torn and tattered mental defenses. Yet the flash he gleaned from Skywarp, more than anything, felt like shock.

"I know," said Thundercracker. "Starscream's never that sweet and gentle with us."

"Sweet and gentle!?!" cried Soundwave and his cassettes in unison.

"Totally," said Skywarp. "Wow, he must be into Megatron more than I thought."

Soundwave had seen a lot of things during his time with the Decepticons, both inside and outside the mind. He'd thought, at this point, he was incapable of feeling deep embarrassment or surprise. But this was crossing the line. He had to get everyone out of here and come up with a strategy for damage control. And he should probably think about their leader's health. Lord Megatron looked like he needed medical attention. _Discreet_ medical attention. Lots of it.

"Ahem, anyway." Thundercracker looked around and grimaced, like it just occurred to him what had happened. Soundwave couldn't be sure. He didn't dare try to read the electrical impulses of anyone's thoughts at this point.

"Soooo," said Skywarp. "We'll just...leave you to it, Soundwave. I mean, Commander." He grabbed Thundercracker's arm. "We were never here." With a *vop* and a flash of purple, they were gone.

Thankfully, Ravage didn't need telepathy to know that the rest of them should follow suit. "Okay, everyone, time to go." He herded a complaining Rumble and Frenzy from the room. "I think Soundwave's gonna need some time to process this."

As soon as they left, a snicker came from the screen. Starscream had managed to right himself and was now leering over Megatron. His wings twitched, and he traced the piece of armor covering their barely conscious leader’s spark.

Soundwave's fuel pump sped up. He tensed, ready to race to the meeting room in a second. This was it. The assassination attempt. He had to get in there and stop Starscream before the Seeker tried to kill Megatron in his moment of weakness.

But Starscream didn't try anything. He simply flopped down on top of the tyrant and wriggled, throwing himself against the wide silver frame in something almost resembling a hug. Megatron grunted and lifted an arm. Whatever his intentions, they were never realized, as his arm fell back against the table and his optics dimmed.

The charge lowered in Soundwave's capacitors. No assassination attempt then. Excellent. It looked like he had some precious time before either one of them moved. Time to figure something out. Surely he could twist this to his advantage. Ravage, Lazerbeak, and Buzzsaw were smart enough to keep quiet. He could ensure the twins' silence with a few key threats to revoke privileges. As for Skywarp and Thundercracker, he must have some blackmail material on them somewhere...

Movement on the screen caught his attention. Starscream lifted his head slightly, smiled, and curled his fingers in a dainty wave, aimed directly at the hidden camera.

Soundwave gripped his console and bit his lip behind the mask. _No._ How could Starscream know the location of that camera? How had he known someone was watching? It must have been stray thoughts through the trine bond. Soundwave should have anticipated that, but he'd been too overwhelmed. The only other alternative was that Starscream had somehow orchestrated this from start to finish. But that was inconceivable. Right?

Cycling cool air, Soundwave examined his options. This was not good. Starscream had totally screwed him over. Now he either had to admit the spying to Megatron and suffer the consequences, or submit to whatever Starscream wanted, which was sure to be humiliating at best.

Before he could decide which unpleasant choice was the least painful, the screens before him went black. The startup prompt appeared, and an unidentified program began to run, filling the screen with slowly coalescing words.

Fingers flying across the keyboard, Soundwave struggled to shut it down. What was happening? This couldn't be. This system was completely secure. The only mechs who had the codes were himself and....oh.

Lord Megatron. 

Starscream could have easily stolen files and codes while he and Megatron shared the data connection. Frag it all.

The pixels in front of him assembled into words, and Soundwave's knee joints gave out. He stepped back to sit in a chair that wasn't behind him, crashing his aft into the floor.

_"Compete. With. That."_

 

The End

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I exceeded my own tolerance for exclamation points in this one. Sorry about that. But that, however, is all that I'm sorry for. :D


End file.
